It feels like this week’s theme was waiting—waiting to hear back on job applications, waiting for Kirk to return, even waiting for basics like photo processing. Sometimes there’s only so much you can do when the next step depends on someone else!
Last Sunday, we began a new duties/rewards system. It’s something that one of Arianna’s therapists suggested, although I was frank in reminding her that Arie has never responded to our various attempts at charts during these past six or seven years. I expected this round to be equally abominable but, after a full week, am amazed at its success. Both of my kids wake up around 6:30 and often waste the next 2 ½ hours before school with distracting activities (and even distractions that distract from the distracting activities). So, I re-read our discipline Bible, 1-2-3 Magic, and created a new kind of chart—not a chore chart, but an on-task chart. This is because Arianna really struggles with “self-care,” especially when it involves multistep directions and process completion (and, no surprise, loafy little Carlos takes advantage of the time we spend reminding Arie). The chart is simple in that it identifies 10 to-do activities for each day; I tell the kids once that it is time to start ______ and they have ______ minutes to do it, and that is my only direction. If/when they forget what they’re supposed to do, I direct them to check the chart. They must then come to me for clearance to mark off the task. We’ve had mornings when, for example, a barefoot Arie asked if she could check off “get dressed;” I simply said, “No. You’re not dressed.” Then, instead of me telling her what was missing, she had to figure it out. It sounds harsh, but somehow it has made all the difference. Arianna is exceling at the chart and finally seems to grasp what I expect of her each day. I really didn’t change our existing routine, but somehow the chart has made it clear for her. This has been one of her happiest and most pleasant weeks ever. Now, being wary of a bazillion failed charts in the past, I built an extra reward system into our new one: each kid earns one dime per job, which means that he or she has the potential to earn one dollar a day through basic and essential self-care activities. We all know that Arianna is a materialistic little bugger, and she is so excited to be earning her own money—and, of course, to be making plans for it. I am so proud of her for embracing this new system and I am so glad that the chart system (let’s be honest: anything) is finally helping.
Now we come to Monsieur Carlos. It is not coincidence that we nicknamed our little man “Loafy.” If ever there were a definition of a loaf, it is Carlos. I think that Carlos would exhibit loaf-like tendencies under any conditions and in any family, but the extra time that we have spent helping Arie has turned Carlos into a Super Loaf. He has no problem with self-care. He has no issues with multistep directions or process completion. In fact, I believe that, at heart, Carlos is probably the most “with it” member of our family—a veritable ESFJ. But he can turn into the loafiest, laziest, slow-as-molasses-est person when it suits him, which it often does. And at 60 solid, hard-as-rock pounds, Carlos can no longer be made to do something. Enter the dime/chart system, and you begin to see an obvious conflict of interests. Yes, Carlos likes money, but it is not his motivator. He is a creature of comfort, motivated by Blanky and loafing. So setting a time limit, saying that he cannot spend two hours getting dressed—these things have inflamed our lay-about son. Whereas this week was unexpectedly easy with Arianna, I came into a world of hate and testing chez Carlitos. He reminds me daily that he does not like the “dime game.” And “it’s not fair that Arie has more dimes!” We have had tantrums and room wrecking galore from the usually easy-going Loaf. Well, I am sticking to my guns. Carlos may not be the money hog that his sister is, but he will eventually see some benefit in accruing enough dimes to earn a trip to Toys R Us.
I could blah blah about the job hunt, soccer, cleaning, and so on, but for me the true highlight of the week was discovering more than 1000 old picture negatives. I had to hunt for a place that still digitizes negatives; my favorite stand-bys (CVS and Target, because they use Kodak printing) are transitioning to the digital age and going negative free. L I was lucky to literally be my local Target’s last customer for negative digitalization: their machine got carried away immediately after they finished my negatives. So, I have been overjoyed, ecstatic, elated, etc. to browse through the hundreds of “lost” images. (It probably goes without saying that I clearly have a picture obsession.) Among the images were many of Kirk’s old pictures, including his summer in Boston, Anton’s BYU graduation, and Kirk’s hang gliding episode. There were also pictures from our wedding, honeymoon, and first year of marriage. It was amazing and humbling to realize how quickly time has passed in these eleven years. So many priceless memories that we get to enjoy again and again thanks to technology! 
Well, barring an Air France strike, Kirk should return to us late tomorrow (Monday). He’s had a great experience in terms of what he’s accomplished for business and what he’s enjoyed on a personal level.
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