California Driver’s Examination

Well, I am finally a true resident and official voter of the Golden State.

This designation did not come without some nerves and prayers, however. Despite the fact that I have passed driver’s tests in Nevada, Michigan, Indiana, and Pennsylvania, I still experienced severe dread leading up to this necessity. This pit-of-the-stomach terror is my best projection of what the scriptures call “the fear of the damned.” In short, when I enter a DMV (DOT out East), I become 15 ½ again: my reputation, my pride, and my future depend upon my ability to decipher a list of trick questions designed by disgruntled bureaucrats.

After studying the five online sample tests at the California DMV web site, and after praying to be spared some unnecessary humiliation (Kirk having failed the Indiana driver’s test initially), I naively believed that I was ready to confront my fears. Imagine my shock and horror when I first read over the real driver’s examination and could spot only two “sample test” questions!

I didn’t even know what California’s legal blood alcohol level was! But, based on the fact that California is the most legalistic state in America (every permanent structure in the state must warn you that its integral features may kill you), I was surprised that 0% legal B.A.L. was not an available answer! After all, it is illegal to smoke in a car if you have a passenger who’s less than 18 years of age. Wouldn’t it be even more life-threatening to that passenger if the driver had alcohol in his/her system while driving?!

But, on the other hand, the state does take considerable pride in Napa Valley.  So I selected 0.08% as my answer—knowing that 0.08 is the percentage allowed by most states—and was ultimately pleased to discover that I was correct and that California is at least average in some legal aspects!

In fact, I passed my fifth driving test with relative ease, but not necessarily because of my own ingenuity. After all, the state has as many vineyards as beaches; resultantly, it has to accommodate the sun-scorched brains of surfer dudes. So your 36-question test includes a certain quantity of fluff to inflate otherwise hopeless scores.

Here are some of my favorite questions.

You were parked and have been waiting a long time with your turn signal on to re-enter traffic. However, traffic is heavy. You should

a. Continue waiting and yielding to traffic in the lane

b. Slowly inch your vehicle into the traffic lane

c. Drive on the shoulder until a gap in traffic appears.

(Pennsylvanians would, of course, think that b and c are the correct answers, but most Californians seem to have either more sense or more patience.)

Which of the following blocks the smooth flow of traffic?

a. Slowing down to look at an accident scene

b. Avoiding unnecessary lane changes

c. Using public transportation instead of your car

(Funny that "a chicken crossing the road" is not an option.)

You are approaching an intersection at the posted speed limit when the signal light turns yellow. You should:

a. Slow down and proceed through the intersection without caution

b. Speed up to cross the intersection before the light turns red

c. Stop before entering the intersection, if you can do so safely

(Again, in Pennsylvania, this question would really stymie drivers. Happily for Californians, the motion-activated cameras posted at intersections have made the state’s position on yellow and red lights very clear.)

You want to park downhill on a two-way road and there is no curb. Which way do you turn your front wheels?

a. So they face straight ahead

b. Right—towards the side of the road

c. Left—towards the center of the road

(I suppose your answer might vary from someone else’s based on the age and traceability of your vehicle. Mom and Dad, go with answer c.)

Which of these is a safe driving practice?

a. Using your high-beam lights in the fog

b. Staring at the road ahead of your vehicle

c. Checking your rearview mirrors frequently

(It’s worth saying that fog is more interesting when lit up.)

And don't worry if some of these questions made you pause and think. After all, you can miss 6 of the 36 and still pass!